Next time. It will be next time. When I’ll be stronger, better settled. Next time, next life. I’ll be my person, I’ll make my own rules. I’ll be fierce, proud and whole. I’ll count my wins and losses and never I’ll drown. My mind will be my fortress. Next time, next life. I’ll make mistakes to wear and show. I’ll be so good to myself. Next time, next life.
The sun is blinding hot. I stand absorbing its warming embrace. I treasure the rising nature, spring it’s everywhere. No need for human interference. We’re safe inside and the World is coming alive.
The soft embrace of your childhood memories, still can take you there. It’s a smell, a voice, your carefree gaze. I lost the dreams, the nightmares as well. It’s a sleepless night sometimes. Day by day. Between a laugh and a cry. I cover in those memories from time to time, the warm blanket for a loving goodnight.
Don’t you worry. When you’ll face the harsh and tough, I’ll be there. When you fight with your fears, scared to your bones, your hand in mine. I’ll be there to dry your tears and make you smile. I’ll hold you tight when you’re cold inside. I see your scars and the healing you had to survive. I’ll be there when you’ll be losing faith. I’ll show you the bright colors you put in my eyes. I’ll be there to love you, body and soul. May the world be blind to our struggles, I’ll be there because you’re mine.
Is there a no bullshit day out there? There’s a day for impressive tributes, to never forget how we failed, to celebrate silly things and so on. I myself would love a free bullshit day. I need it. As a sensitive person, as a “I’m ok with no being perfect, but not with you pretending to be one” person. A day where people like me can thrive and take pleasure walking around and meeting people. Until then, don’t call me, I’ll call you later. Just wait.
I held you in my dreams. This is the day my heart broke while yours was silent. Nobody wants to remember, nobody understands how important it would be. You were real. My heart will beat for you until my last breath.
I need to stand up for myself. To be my own man, or woman in this case. I can adapt all right, can take all these little lies, as you picture them. I can be underestimated all my life. Be a tool for my own family. I’ll keep on living in my mind and keep my true self to me. When someone is ignoring me while I’m talking, I stop. I already know what’s on my mind and I don’t need to here it expressed in my voice out loud. I care about my body, I take care of it and I’ll let it untouched as much as I can if I’m not going to be treated with the care and time and feeling I deserve. You moron. You’re undeserving of my love.