You don’t know me

I need to stand up for myself. To be my own man, or woman in this case. I can adapt all right, can take all these little lies, as you picture them. I can be underestimated all my life. Be a tool for my own family. I’ll keep on living in my mind and keep my true self to me. When someone is ignoring me while I’m talking, I stop. I already know what’s on my mind and I don’t need to here it expressed in my voice out loud. I care about my body, I take care of it and I’ll let it untouched as much as I can if I’m not going to be treated with the care and time and feeling I deserve. You moron. You’re undeserving of my love.

Bobby Green ( Johnnies #5)

I read Bobby Green by Amy Lane and I realized the stupor again that got me from knowing these guys and their world. This is real life, where kindness and fear dance together; where the hurting and the wrongdoing comes from fragility and not the big Evil. You learn that love can mend and it’s worth the pain. Because building and mending is difficult and so hard! It’s worth finding yourself and the right to let someone love you back. Bobby is so young, confident and giving; Reg is a big walking heart, trying to keep a big as a house havy promise and not fallin underneath its weight. Johnnies are good porn workers guys, they’re family. It’s so good that a real mum at heart is joining them!

Amy Lane has the ability of building people alive and I so love to have forever impressed them in my heart. The King of fear and thriller has this most special power. I know who the Queen is.

Spring awakening

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today is calling me,
it punches my shoulder,
screaming “it’s time, it’s time!!”

What for?, I don’t get it,
but someone whispers in my ear:
get up Lazy Ass and leave a sign.

All right, I’ve got it: LifE,
I’ll crunch you, I’ll kiss you,
I’ll hold you so tight:.. Love YOU!

Horror eulogy in autumn fantasy

Reading stories about obsessions,
strange creatures, ghosts, possessions
loved them all
Hawthorne and Poe

Dickens goes well
Lovecraft till you’re mad,
but I’ll always have a place
for the Master of Universe

the Red King fantasy
will endlessly forever
make shiver my skin
from heaven to hell.

Imagine imagination

I’ve always been a dreamer.

I can put it on 80’s movies, on the books I’ve read since I was a child, the only one, so I had plenty of time to dream about places and people.

I was the hero or the queen? I think I was a sort of god of that world of mine, where my imagination could run free and wild.

Do you dare to think I finished with it? No way!

Let the thoughts be the truth, let the thinking be the way, no buying craps or foolish things, no falling into mac things..

I’ not trying to teach anything at all, I’m the student here!

I just need my dreams, my imagination to be dripped, words, lots of words to make it alive.

I just need to dream and write and read ’till I die.

Please, please let me believe there will be stories to hear Afterlife!

About Fifty Shades of …

Curiosity won me.

I read “fifty shades of grey”, grey as the colour of his darkness, grey as his name, grey as his colour eyes.

Not difficult in any step, yes it was smart for some parts and no, it was not porn, come on! I don’t understand why it comes to these terms every time a book it’s written for a female public.

Ever read Tropic of Cancer? Delta of Venus? Emmanuelle? If you read a book it’s because you’re not into the story tale,  most of the times.

So, it’s not that reading Fifty S. means your into s.m. ,  it’s not for me for sure.

The book itself is smart, I thought all the times “she knew she would sell it”, but there is a slim untouchable line that crossed me and it shocked me.

Now I have to think what is my problem, one of many, because I cried, yes!

I say this and I’ll always deny it.

We girls never want to say we have read some romances!

This one has some immediate links to Bridget Jones and Twilight, others probably I didn’t catch.

So I’m quite anxious about my crying, it touched me deeply. Maybe I’m a bit stressed, maybe some deep chords in my soul resound when I read about wanting and loosing and loving and being scared about the loss.

Every day it’s a new discover!

 

On writing a novel… again!

Yes, of course I’m messing around.

Google+ and YouTube and all this stuff, I know I’ll change my mind, ’cause I’m not a chatty one, from time to time can happen, but my phone allergy is not so far from all this things.

But I can proudly say I wrote today, I’m going on and I amused myself with the story and it makes me hope for better.

I feel closer to my fantasy people  and I can focus better on their characters.

The point is to let the fantasy go without being childish.

You have to be mature enough to know that yes, it’s great to create places, stories from zero, but it’s easy, really easy to fall in a boring fairytale.Instead of a catchy novel.

So, my target is to be careful.

I surprised myself, I really did, when I found myself in some hot scenes, and I wrote them!

Keep on going, I really would like to share something soon or later.. we’ll see, it’s not in english.

Love and blessings to all of you