I need to stand up for myself. To be my own man, or woman in this case. I can adapt all right, can take all these little lies, as you picture them. I can be underestimated all my life. Be a tool for my own family. I’ll keep on living in my mind and keep my true self to me. When someone is ignoring me while I’m talking, I stop. I already know what’s on my mind and I don’t need to here it expressed in my voice out loud. I care about my body, I take care of it and I’ll let it untouched as much as I can if I’m not going to be treated with the care and time and feeling I deserve. You moron. You’re undeserving of my love.
It surrounds me, I’m at its mercy.
Just don’t stop, don’t you ever stop it …
tump tututump tump pup tutump…
Let it rise my spirit and crawl inside;
it’s running through my veins
so right its rhyme, the rhythm just fine…
I’m climbing mountains and heights:
just keep going stamping on my heart
let it beat faster and soar through the skys.
Nothing hurts like the cuts you keep letting your loved ones inflict on you. It’s the betrayal of your affection, of your caring. It’s the burning humiliation. There are links you can’t break. There are crosses you bear willingly. Silently hiding in yourself, needing relief. Calling for everything to stop just for a second. Just to forget yourself, the place you live in, your life, every choice you made. Every person who broke you. Piece by piece. The moment you feel yourself floating with your favorite music, reaching for the sky. Just a second to leave all the ugliness behind. Give me just that second to forget.
You quit your crew ’cause they’re mean to others. They’ll be resentful for your true motivation. Obviously, you won’t tell lies, ’cause you’re strange that way. So, you’re reasons are good, but so annoying that you’ll be the awkward moody person. Welcome to this world, you sensitive creature.
When you’re wounded and hurt
And your feelings are bleeding
There’re no words to describe
What your heart is screaming.
Liars hide themselves from you. They don’t want you to see them. You can talk about it ’till you drop. They’ll agree, but keep on lying. If someone isn’t true to themselves to the point that they can’t stand the thought of you knowing them, why bother? I know it’s hard. For me it is, beacause I never lie. Lies are a manipulative way to control your opinion. That’s a big NO for me. That’s offending. It’s sad to learn everyday that lying it’s a common habit. It’s easier to keep our thoughts to ourselves when you can’t trust your loved ones. Keep in mind that for sensitive people it’s a huge deal, whereas for most it’s not, they tend to difference. Big unforgivable lyes from little almost laughable ones… Not for us. You’re hiding and I can easily see that, so you’re controlling what I’m allowed to think of you. I really don’t trust anyone at this point. My love still remains. So, my heart is quite broken and my soul lonely.
When you smell the colour blue, touch your memory childhood, you could be high, highly sensitive. That’s for sure your worst blessing.
Turning in circles around my head, I thought you were cheating, in some or either way…
I know it’s my business this need to clarify. My constant search for real in a different kind of light.
Real is my heart and my look into your eyes. Forgive me ’cause it’s cursed, my heart my love and Life.
You have every right to be sad. Your sadness doesn’t diminish your achievements. You can be grateful for your life, your family and friends, your full belly and your comforting bed. Still, nobody has the right to despise your feelings. Nobody has the right to call you ungrateful, if you struggle and they don’t understand. Chances are they’re the source of your distress. If you’re an introvert, self-conscious person, you could be easily bothered by insensitivity. Usually you’ll find it in you’re home and family. As I keep reminding “If I cut you off, chances are you gave me the scissors”, we don’t have to keep others bad behaviour going, for fear. We should risk some losses. We should have the respect we deserve. Kind and patient people often are treated as crazy as soon as they raise their head and voices. But let the show begin!
As an introvert and selfconscius person, I don’t like gyms. I want to workout without the need to exchange pleasantries. So, I workout at home. Every day. It’s true, it works for me. I’ve never felt better in my whole life. I cut my food and chose only the healthy one, but things I enjoyed and worked out every day. First 15 min. on the spinning bike, then 20…, ’till I managed an hour. That’s good for me, because i have some old issues with my knees. When I achieved my healthy weight, I kept focusing on working out and finding happiness in it. When you zone out, or maybe tune out the world and the problems with it, that’s my choice. I learnt not to jump, big no! for my knees, but bodyweight workout, planks… Oh, yes ! Music and peace. My ultimate crush are kettlebells. They are great! They just follow me around the house. Every mundane thing I have to do, I can pick my kettlebell and swing, snatch, give it a go. Rest. I feel powerful and my body, imperfect as it is, never felt better. Because the strength I physically have now, remind me that I am strong inside as well. I just have to swing it. Kettlebells are perfect for the introvert, they don’t take much space and they silently follow you arund. You’ll have all, ALL your body in shape, with fun movements and is nobody business. You can workout when nobody’s watching. Every moment is the right moment. I’m a fighter and a loser, but I’ll kettlebell it ’till the end.