You don’t know me

I need to stand up for myself. To be my own man, or woman in this case. I can adapt all right, can take all these little lies, as you picture them. I can be underestimated all my life. Be a tool for my own family. I’ll keep on living in my mind and keep my true self to me. When someone is ignoring me while I’m talking, I stop. I already know what’s on my mind and I don’t need to here it expressed in my voice out loud. I care about my body, I take care of it and I’ll let it untouched as much as I can if I’m not going to be treated with the care and time and feeling I deserve. You moron. You’re undeserving of my love.

Liars have control issues

Liars hide themselves from you. They don’t want you to see them. You can talk about it ’till you drop. They’ll agree, but keep on lying. If someone isn’t true to themselves to the point that they can’t stand the thought of you knowing them, why bother? I know it’s hard. For me it is, beacause I never lie. Lies are a manipulative way to control your opinion. That’s a big NO for me. That’s offending. It’s sad to learn everyday that lying it’s a common habit. It’s easier to keep our thoughts to ourselves when you can’t trust your loved ones. Keep in mind that for sensitive people it’s a huge deal, whereas for most it’s not, they tend to difference. Big unforgivable lyes from little almost laughable ones… Not for us. You’re hiding and I can easily see that, so you’re controlling what I’m allowed to think of you. I really don’t trust anyone at this point. My love still remains. So, my heart is quite broken and my soul lonely.

INFJ my introvert smiling self

INFJ is me. Could seem silly or meaningless, for me is freedom to be ME and understanding. Finally. Somewhere, someone saw me. That’s the feeling. Every aspect of this personality profile is me. Is me calling for understanding and acceptance. Now I know that I’m real. It’s crazy, but so empowering. I’ve been struggling all my life to hold my tongue, not to hurt someone; to divert my eyes, because sometimes I know I have a killing gaze a judging one; to be friendly when I needed so bad to shut in… I had to speak when I was feeling overwhelmed, to shut up when I needed to express myself.. So I learnt to literally walk silently, breathe with no noise and try to simply disappear whenever I felt annoying. So, I’m 40. I struggle. I mix well with other people and my friends want me to go out, but I can’t. I do want when I feel like it. If I’m stressed it’s so hard. I need my me time. No one in my life understand it. I’m not depressed, but I go close to depression if I can’t have time to regroup and accept all those feelings, other’s feelings. I gave myself to my family as I chose to do. I don’t bring money, I take care. I lost a lot, I grieve every day. My husband only knows how much I hurt. Maybe I can tell him because he doesn’t absorb it. He’s not the sensitive tipe. I’ve been badly mistreated as a kid. I had nightmares because of that. So, I wanted to give my all, all my broken self, to my chosen family. Now, my first son, next to 18, calls me a crazy, stupid person who is not useful because she doesn’t bring money and does not do enough in the house( we’re 4 and I’m the only one doing all the housework). It’s now years he pushes me. My other son is more sensitive and serene. He avoids arguments and his brother, but now I see he can keep his ground and takes no bullshit. I tried to talk, when things are calm, because arguments, and these angry ones are nightmares for me. I see my son’s bullshit. I know he’s self centered and wants only to grab. It’s sad, but true. I’m really useless to him, in his reasoning. He thinks what I do is easily covered. He hates that I see through him. So, I thought I was the problem. But I’m not the only parent and I understood that he’s crushing my personality. Finding the written words that design my inner self (is there other self to be?) has been the key. After all the tears I already feel stronger, because I have the right to be me. I don’t have to apologize for who I am. I never disrespect anyone, I always give time and space. I’m always ready to comfort. So, why should I change to be loved? Another thing I’d like to learn about other introverts as I am is : how many times the people you loved and who mistreated you, come back looking for you? Always! When I have enough I had enough. For real. I don’t forget, I firgive. But I don’t want anything to do with you anymore. I don’t feel moved by your apologies, I feel betrayed. The betrayal is in breaking my trust with your selfish lies and you stepping on my heart, thinking I was too stupid beacause I wasn’t fighting back. But I was fighting all right, to keep everything together. So, this is me. Don’t come back, try to stay instead.

We’ll seek for the truth

You were going to school, just as usual, waiting for the evening event.

The explosion took you away, in a second hell.

You were dreaming, talking with your friend who’s now fighting for her life.

There’s no reason for this! There’s no answer to give, but we’ll seek for the truth!

No more sleeping minds, no more chatting about money stuff,

’cause our Country’s crying for a living and those coward shits are going on their play again,

thinking we’re too busy to understand, hoping we’ll confuse the truth for an action from an other place.

I can see, I can think, never again, never!

Beautiful girl, rest in peace, hold your mommy tight, help your daddy out.

We’ll seek for the truth, we’ll never die again.

Stop chatting, please, give it a rest.

Every age we had a master and we lowered our head, but it’s time for a rising, for a self-respect.

We protect our children as we always had, NO ONE TOUCH OUR KIDS AGAIN!

Rest in peace Melissa, we’ll never forget.